Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
