I heard we made out
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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