dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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