dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
