No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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