Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize