im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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