um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
