how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
