Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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