I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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