weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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