Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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