Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
