Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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