i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
