Already got asked if we're dating
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
