On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
