You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
