I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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