After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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