You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
