He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
