I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even my farts smell like vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
