It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
