My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize