Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
