I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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