Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
