thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
