I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
