We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
