What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
