Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
