Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
