My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
