The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
