Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
