It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do herpes really smell.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
