There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
