I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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