weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
