New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Farmville is her only friend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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