He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
