Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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