Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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