You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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