new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
