May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
