haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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