it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
