Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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