sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
