so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is the high leading the old right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
