I think my vagina is haunted
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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