We're facebook friends in real life
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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