My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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