I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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