look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
