Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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