I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize