whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
