youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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