Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
