I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
