So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize