New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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