why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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