He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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