Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
