Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
