my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize