He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
