How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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