i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
