I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize