Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
