another moral hangover. fuck.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
