had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
