Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
