Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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