He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
