I think im going to throw up on grandma
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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