Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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