nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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