____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
