She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
