i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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