Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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