Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
