I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
