he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
