is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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