Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
