the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize