girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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