I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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