I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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