she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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