she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize