No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just puked most of my soul out..
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