my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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