I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
