My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
