I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They took my balls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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