I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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