Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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