Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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