I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
