If i come over, it means nothing
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
