So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
