This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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