ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
