Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
